41. Forgiveness

CHAPTER 41

FORGIVENESS

Nephi and Hasai completed their move to the land Bountiful in the thirty and second year.

At the end of the thirty and third year, the people began to look for the sign that had been prophesied by Samuel.  A time of darkness for the space of three days would signal Christ’s death.

But, notwithstanding other prophecies coming true, including the one Samuel had given for the time of Christ’s birth, many doubted.  The people disputed among themselves whether or not the sign of death would come.  Some argued that it was already passed the time given for the fulfillment of this prophecy.  The arguments created many contentions among the people.

In the first month of the thirty and fourth year, and the third day of the month, Nephi prayed to the Lord to know if the time had come for the sign to appear.

He stayed at home to pray with Hasai in their new hut in the land Bountiful instead of going out to preach or to teach on this day.  Nephi wished to have a day by himself to meditate and to pray.  So, when a stranger appeared at the doorway to their hut, he was annoyed.

“Go and see who this stranger is and what he wants,” Nephi instructed Hasai.  “Then, see if you can’t send him on his way.”

Hasai met the stranger at the doorway.

“Oh, I can see why Nephi married you,” said the stranger.  “You remind me a lot of his mother.  She was such a lovely woman.  Did you know that you resemble her?”

“So I’ve been told,” Hasai answered.  “I never had the chance to meet her myself.  I wish I had.  May I ask who you are?  What can I do for you?”

“I am Heli'·ves.  I need to see Nephi, your husband.  It’s extremely urgent.”

Nephi jumped to his feet when he heard the stranger announce who he was.  What is Heli'·ves doing here?  What does he want?

Nephi moved beside Hasai and stared closely at the stranger in the doorway.  He could hardly recognize him.   But, to his great surprise, it was indeed Heli'·ves who was standing in his doorway.

Heli'·ves looked tired and weak.  He did not resemble at all the proud and haughty man that Nephi remembered seeing last.  The last time he had seen Heli'·ves was shortly before Timothy’s death.  This was definitely not the same person, even though it was the same person.

Nephi detected a faint glimmer of hope in the eyes of Heli'·ves.  But the hope was hidden by a cloud of desperation.  Several moments passed before anyone said another word.

“Hello, Nephi,” said Heli'·ves, breaking the awkward silence.  “Please excuse my intrusion to your hut.  You must shocked to see me here, but …but would you mind if I could talk to you?  I’d be grateful if you’d just … well, please give me a chance to explain.”

Nephi simply continued to stare open mouthed at the presence of his former friend, now turned enemy, a non-believer, a member of the band of Gadianton; the person who had led, or at least consented to his brother’s stoning.

Hasai was more courteous and polite.  “Please join us inside,” she invited.  “I’m sure you and Nephi have some important matters to discuss.”

Hasai helped Heli'·ves and Nephi seat themselves in the center of the room, then she removed herself to a corner of the hut to be out of the way.

“Thank you, Nephi, for allowing me to sit with you in your hut.”  Heli'·ves shook with emotion, but he did not hold back his words.  “Because of what I‘ve done in the past, you might have me arrested and tried.  I wouldn’t blame you if you did.  You might want to tear me to pieces.  So be it.  But I beg of you to hear me out; accept my confession.

“Oh, this is hard.  But…but will you please forgive me!”

Nephi remained silent.  He nodded, however, to indicate to Heli'·ves that he was listening.  Recognizing that he at least had Nephi’s ear, if not his forgiveness, he continued to tell his story.  He didn’t want to stop until he could get it all out. 

“Oh, I’m so sorry for my horrible sins!  I always knew better.  Especially since I was brought up in Zarahemla along with you, right at the feet of your father.  I was taught by you and by your father to do according to the law.  I should have remained more zealous toward God, as you have done all your life.  I should have listened to you.  I could have followed your example.  But I did not!  I let the sophistry and the cares of the world influence me.  And in time, I was lost.

“Not only did I go astray myself, but I began to persecute others and caused them to fall.  I bound and delivered believers into prisons, both men and women.  Once imprisoned, I beat them.  And as you already know, when your brother’s blood was shed, I also was standing by.  I consented to his death by keeping the raiment of them that slew him.

“I witnessed Timothy’s death, Nephi.  I knew he was dead!  So when Timothy was seen alive again after that, I was troubled.  I asked myself, could it be true that you had power to raise him from the dead?

“Jacob and my other friends told me that you and Timothy must have staged the event.  It was merely a trick so people would believe your religion.  But I knew better.  Timothy was dead!  And there could be no denying that he was alive again.”

Heli'·ves stopped his narration.  He had lost control of his emotions and needed a moment or two before he could speak again.  Nephi waited patiently until Heli'·ves could again find his voice.  With tears now openly streaming down his face, Heli'·ves confessed more.

“Later, I came to myself.  And I was struck with such great fear and amazement that I should be destroyed because of my guilt.  I fell to the earth.  I was racked with eternal torment, for my soul was harrowed up to the greatest degree and racked with all my sins.  Yea, I did remember all my sins and iniquities.  I was tormented with the pains of hell.  Yea, I saw that I had rebelled against my God, and that I had not kept His holy commandments.

“For almost three years was I racked, even with the pains of a damned soul.  Then, as I was racked with torment, while I was harrowed up by the memory of my many sins, behold, I decided to go to Damas.  There I could hurl myself off the highest cliff.  Yea, in fine, so great was my torment, that the thought of no longer living became appealing.  But, at the same time, the very thought of coming into the presence of God racked my soul with inexpressible horror.  Oh, thought I, that I could be banished entirely.  That I could become extinct in both body and soul.  That I might be dead, and that I not be brought to stand in the presence of my God, to be condemned for my deeds.

“While I stood near the uppermost edge of the highest cliff in Damas, behold, I remembered to have heard your father prophesy unto the people concerning the coming of Jesus Christ, the Son of God, to atone for the sins of the world.

“Now, as my mind caught hold upon this thought, I cried within my heart: O Jesus, thou Son of God, have mercy on me, who am in the gall of bitterness, and am encircled about by the everlasting chains of hell.

“Suddenly there shone from heaven a great light around about me.  And I heard a voice saying unto me, Heli'·ves, Heli'·ves, why persecutest thou the believers?  And I answered, Who art thou, Lord?  And the man’s voice said unto me, I am Nephi who testified unto you of Jesus who would be born in the land of Jerusalem.”

When Heli'·ves said this, Nephi bolted from the floor where he was sitting.  Had he heard correctly?  Had Heli'·ves really heard his father’s voice?  Why?  Why would his father’s spirit speak to Heli'·ves?

Heli'·ves was either too focused on trying to finish his story to notice Nephi’s reaction to his last statement, or else he did notice and chose to ignore it.  Either way, Heli'·ves hurried to finish his story.

“And I said, What shall I do, Nephi?  And your father’s voice said unto me, Arise, and go to my son, Nephi, in the land Bountiful.  There he shall tell thee of all things which are appointed for thee to do.

“And so I come to see you, Nephi.  This is now the third day since I stood on the cliff ready to jump.  I need to know.  What am I supposed to do now?  I’ll do whatever you say.  No matter how hard or how difficult.”

Nephi stared at Heli'·ves in silence.  He didn’t know how to respond to his former friend’s, and current enemy’s story.  And he certainly didn’t know what to tell him to do.

Heli'·ves sat quietly sobbing and had nothing more to add.

Thoughts raced through Nephi’s head, yet his mind was blank.  What was he supposed to say?  Especially since his father’s voice seemed to expect him to know what to say.  What should he tell Heli'·ves to do?  How would he know?  Nephi hadn’t even heard that Heli'·ves was troubled by his sins and suicidal until just now.  What did his father want him to tell Heli'·ves?

Then it came to Nephi.  It came while he thought about his father.  Like the feeling of pure intelligence flowing into him, Nephi felt a sudden stroke of inspiration.  Noting the inspiration, he knew that it was right.  Nephi knew that Heli'·ves lived after nearly killing himself because of hope in Jesus who can atone for sins.  He knew that his father, though dead, would live again because of the Savior.  And he knew that although wicked men would crucify and kill the Lord, Jesus also would live again.  In fact, all live because of the power of the atonement and the resurrection.

Nephi stood up.  Heli'·ves also arose.  Putting his arms around Heli'·ves, Nephi gave him a hug of acceptance.  Nephi looked Heli'·ves in the eyes and said, “Brother Heli'·ves, receive this blessing.  You shall no longer be known as Heli'·ves.

“He'·Lives is now your name.  The God of our fathers has chosen you, and you shall know His will and shall witness unto all men what you have seen and heard.  By saying your name, He'·Lives, all men shall know the truth that you have learned yourself.

“In time, you shall become a great instrument in the hands of the Lord.  You will be a missionary and a leader for righteousness, even from the land Nephi in the south to the land Romo in the north.  Your testimony will inspire men for years to come.

“Come with me now, He'·Lives.  I see that you must be hungry.  Let us give you some of our meat.  I see that you must be thirsty.  Let us give you something to drink.  I see that you feel like a stranger coming here.  Come, let us take you in.”

Hasai arose and offered He'·Lives food and drink which he gratefully accepted.  He said he had not eaten much but a few bitter herbs recently.

He'·Lives was invited to stay the rest of that day with Nephi and Hasai.  He'·Lives said that wouldn’t be necessary, he didn’t intend to stay very long, but Hasai insisted. 

They shared an evening meal of fish, yams, and fruit together.  Nephi blessed their meal, including the bread and the water of which they gratefully partook.  Nephi didn’t say much during the meal because he found himself edgy, and anxious.  He marveled at the sudden change in He'·Lives.

When the night came, they erected an extra hammock for He'·Lives to sleep in.

Before retiring, Hasai pulled her husband aside and confronted him.  “You hardly said a word this evening, to me or to He'·Lives.  I know you.  You’re jealous again, aren’t you?  Admit it.”

“Jealous?  What are you talking about?”  Nephi knew exactly what she was talking about.

“He'·Lives heard the voice of your father, and you didn’t.”  Hasai’s accusation was right on target.  “You pray about it tonight.  I think you’ll see I’m right.  I’ll pray too.  I know the Lord will answer our prayers.”

“So do I,” was all that Nephi managed to mutter.

Nephi lay awake in his hammock that night for a long time and could not fall asleep.  He prayed silently in his mind.   

He prayed that He'·Lives would be blessed because of his sincere repentance and rediscovered faith in Christ.  He thanked God for the inspiration he received at the moment he needed it to bless He'·Lives.

Nephi prayed about the sign to be given at Christ’s death.  When would it come?  The prophecy given by Samuel, the Lamanite, regarding the birth of Christ had come true.  The night without darkness was unmistakable evidence.  Would the three days without light be as obvious?  Would the people then believe?

Nephi prayed for himself.  He'·Lives had heard the voice of his father.  His father had said he might be a personal witness for Heli'·ves upon his return from the land of Jerusalem.  And it turned out he was!  He'·Lives was a new man, with a new name.

So why do feelings of jealousy and resentment fill my heart?  Timothy is a righteous person, my brother, our father’s son.  I can understand that Timothy would see father in the world of spirits.  But He'·Lives?  He is not even related to us.  And father spoke to him as Heli'·ves, while he remained in his wickedness.

Why couldn’t father be allowed to speak to me, his own son?  Aren’t I good enough?  Was the only purpose of father’s last mission to say to He'·Lives that He lives?  Why couldn’t father deliver that same witness to me as well?  I could add father’s personal testimony to the records that he entrusted with me.

What would father tell me about his last mission, if he could?  Father told Timothy in the world of spirits that it ended well.  But what does that mean?  Does that mean he wasn’t taken prisoner in the land northward when Moriancom escaped?  Does it mean he made it to Jerusalem after all?  How long did it take?  Did he really see the Son of God in the flesh?  How was he able to find Him?  What happened to father after that?  Did he ever try to make it back to Zarahemla?

Nephi fell asleep at some point pondering question after question.  There wasn’t a precise moment of transition from conscious thought to unconscious dreams.

He awoke suddenly to the crash of exceedingly sharp lightnings and terrible thunder!  Such a great and terrible tempest had never been known in all the land!  He and Hasai rose from their hammocks and huddled together in the doorway of their hut.

The whole earth shook as if it was about to divide asunder.  The loud cracking of the sharp lightning and the terrible thundering never ceased.  The sounds of a great and terrible destruction all around Nephi caused him to marvel exceedingly.

He'·Lives also rose from his hammock.  He knelt down beside Nephi and Hasai and cried out, “What’s happening!?  This is frightening!  Am I doomed for destruction after all!?”